The Tao of Tash

Today's menu

Aperitif
Sodium Chloride (saline flush)

Antipasti
A selection of fresh steroids served infused in a light Sodium Chloride
Dexamethasone Injection
Granisetron Injection
Chlorphenamine Injection
Ranitidine Injection

Primi Pasti
Lightly tossed Paclitaxel (Taxol) 500ml in a Sodium Chloride Juis

Secondi
Fresh Trastuzunab (Herceptin) of the day

Refresher
Sodium Chloride (saline flush)

Dolci
A selection plate of our desserts
Domperidone Tab
Granisetron Tab
Dexamethasone Tab
or
Arthrotec
Hyosine

Coffee and Mints
Movicol Sachet
Bisacodyl

There are several signs of allergic reaction to Taxol, the one Tash picked was very similar to that of the early stages of food poisoning.

"I feel ill, quick get the sick bowl from the toilet" she urgently requested.

It is very important to point out now, what we only realised later; Chemo wards have two sets of toilets. Due to the nature of the chemicals given and the manner of the toilet experience, there is a patient's toilet for those attached to a pole and another seperate one for the rest of us. I have never been in the Chemo lav, so despite my better judgement (call a nurse, call a nurse you fool!*) and keen to avoid taking a vomit covered wife home, I ran into the toilet......only to realise that there are no sick bowls in the normal toilet, only a tall metal cylindrical bin. what do you think I returned with?

A nurse.

Neither of us particularly wanted to go today, for Tash there is no escaping now what is happening to her, tonight the already short hair, gets to be as short as mine as it is just continually falling out. For me, well there is a lot of stress in our relationship at present and I am going to say no more.

Consequently it has been so far a quiet day, with little conversation, we could have done with the cricket being on, to be honest. The second cycle of Taxol is the one to have the allergic reaction on apparently and Tash had a little go, nothing serious but it shocked her and worried me. This added a little interest to the day, in two stages;

1) Stuck for something to buy her to eat, other than the standard plastic sandwiges (intended) that they offer, I attempted to get Tash the sort of lunch she wanted, "go to Cafe Caldesi" I was told. If you know me well, particularly if you are married to me, you will be familiar with the fact that, I am in certain circumstances, extremely shy and crap. On this occasion I fought against that stereotype and so stood in a plainly deserted cafe for a full 5 minutes, looking very stupid, and unable to go next door to ask, knowing that if my excuse to Tash was going to hold water, that it had to be based on some truth. Her lunch came from the Aveda Organic Cafe in the end, not cheap, but it didn't contain the evil that is the pepper (capsicum, for you non Englishers) which we have to avoid, due to it's unfortunate repetitive nature.

I knew that I was in for a hard stare when I returned with the Puy lentil salad (listen, she demolished 5 barbecue ribs in one go on Sunday, how about a salad for a change ok!), but it was the best I could do. Tash showed her appreciation rather like a cat does when you give it food that it can't be bothered to eat, but at least I was still alive. Eventually the salad became more appealing and she went to work on it.

2) Post stressful incident and with the drip running slower to alleviate any more reactions, I was mindful of keeping Tash calm and so told her to perform some slow relaxing breathing.

"Breath out slowly" I asserted after witnessing a highly idiosyncratic interpretation of 's-l-o-w-l-y'. Unfortunately mid demonstration I discovered that if you purse your lips in a certain manner and breath out slightly too forcefully, you can, under certain circumstances, produce an authentic and loud Owl noise.

This I noted, is simply not helpful in demonstrating a calm breathing technique, as laughter is not the intended outcome.

Friday

Ahh Nuts!

Wow that was a Freaky Friday, as in, I freaked out twice, rather than I mysteriously swapped bodies with my mother to learn some good life lessons in a Disney family friendly way.

Freak one.

I am having hair issues, but not the way you'd think, as I have been heard to say, I dig chicks with no hair, so am not particularly bothered with the current US Marine cadet look. The issue it seems, stems from my lack of faith in the general public outside the house. People stare and I don't yet have the 'what you staring at you little shit' attitude that Tash possesses.

On the way out to meet Mr Vic (as part of the 'what am I going to do for 3 hours, whilst the cleaner is in the house series), Tash decided to pop in to see me for a little bit of moral support as this was the first time that Tur-barn has been back on active service and perhaps she wanted some reassurance.

I was sitting down to Lunch with my old team members, strangely they are also Tash's, when she appeared Unfortunately due to the direction I was facing, I got to see all their reactions before I saw this Tur-barn / Tash combo. No one fainted, you will be pleased to know, but I just wasn't expecting it (I was expecting what, the crew cut - DOH!).

It took several more bottles of medicinal wine before I sorted myself out, unfortunately there was a trip back to work sandwiched in the middle, which was not my worst office experience, but was interesting never the less and a good point to insert it as a rambling story with illustration.

The building that I currently work in is one of those new fangled modernist glass walled ones, so nothing is hidden.

I have this incredible fear that at some point the entire floor is going to get to see me silhouetted against the skyline of London, arms in the air, howling and weeping, in the equally glass enclosed meeting room at the end of the floor.

Neither Tash nor I are particularly emotional people and especially don't like crying in front of people, I personally, as I'm sure you are wondering, usually prefer to let it all hang out around one of many of London's various famous landmarks, alone in a crowd and that sort of thing, but it is part and parcel of what is happening to us.

So, this glass meeting room is where I spent my return to work, mostly wondering how I was going to control my immediate needs and avoid doing 'The silhouette!' - For those of you who are hard of imagination, I have thoughtfully prepared an illustration to help you understand why I am keen to avoid being in this predicament.

Saturday

Party time....for me

My sister and her partner, Jason, brought my Mother up for a bit of a social. Where as Tash would normally be very involved, she kind of remained on the sidelines, as I am sure we all know, it is hard to keep up with people once they become part of the drunken fools club.

Sunday

Not a Sausage

Relaxed and did nothing (again) Energy still at 30%

Monday

This weeks discussion point: As much as I try, some times I must simple accept that our life is not as normal as I think

As a way of example;

Example chat from my coffee run Monday morning;

What did you do at the weekend?
Went to a wedding, got stuck for hours on a train coming home (this is England after all, delays are part of our transport system)
what did you do?
You know, went out Friday, my sister and mother came up Saturday and then we took it easy on Sunday.
yeah good!

This is how it could of gone;

Tuesday - Wednesday

I remember you!

I am happy to report that a more normal service was resumed on Monday. Tash is actually leaving the house to go out tonight with Karen and there is another, bigger outing planned for Friday. W00t!

Sunday 28th

Tao of Turban

This week you'll be pleased to hear that we have been much more successful at resuming BAU (Business as usual) than in Cycle 1. Tash had a full and busy week at work and managed to complete it with a Friday night double birthday bash in the pub.

Usually I post out to you guys about Tash. Last week's update admittedly, was slightly more about me, and this week, it's all about you. Well, those of you that have spent time with her lately, and the rest of you who spent time with her during treatment in 2000 will get what I am about to say.

After hearing the recount of her Friday night experience I got to thinking about my own previous Friday and I realised that Tur-barn has magical hypnotic mind control powers - it's obvious really!. Ask yourself, as a normally emmotional stable person, do you find yourself ready to burst into tears and do a pub based version of "The Silhouette" when tash is around on a night out, yep thought so, that will be Tur-ban's influence.

If the Tur-ban affect bothers you, then may I suggest that a baco-foil scull cap may be a worth while addition to your dress- to-impress, going out wardrobe.

I suspect most of you here in London, if you haven't already, will get to see either Tash's GI Jane look or if not, then certainly some of her Hip Hop Queen collection of woolly hats, maybe even, heaven forbid, the return of Gillian (Tash's wig) - all of which are fine and as I am sure that all the members of the Australian posse can justify, the Tash-in-a-hat, and Tash au natural look is strangely normal.

Tur-barn it seems, has an entirely different effect, possibly because Tur-barn is an intentionally dressy/going out item and as such is quite a direct two fingers up to the cause of her current hair loss. When you see her out like this, and lets be honest, it does sit in your mind, it is a reminder that she has made an effort to be there.

It could of course, just simply be that when she wears Tur-barn, there is no hiding what is happening. Whatever it is, it seems to have bought about some unexpected responses from people since she's started wearing it. A couple of very sincere and supportive text messages have appeared over the week, as have, pats on the back, sympathetic glances from shopkeepers and bad hair jokes from Mr Best at work... that type of thing.

In any case, I don't have to point out that Mrs Dean can be a bit of party animal (who would have thought it!) so once the dancing shoes go on, no medical condition, floods or biblical disaster will stop the girl from having a good time.

Friday night was Jane's and Craig's combined birthday party and as such was attended by the ABN AMRO work crowd (Jane is a close friend, Craig, chum, boss and luncheon partner) and after rolling in at 11.30pm, Tash reported that there had been lots of random hugs (thanks Mr Fettes!) and comments. I think that for all of you that were there, it is worth remembering that alcohol and head gear is an explosive mix.

We both thank you all very much anyhow.

Remember for your own emotional well being, don't drink and Tur-ban.

Sunday 4th

Bye bye, Cycle 2

We now realise that the 3 week period is roughly split 50 - 50, between world of Chemo and socialising. This week Tash has pushed the power of Turban to the limit and has fortunately worn out its hypnotic and dark powers.

I have been working all week, so you don’t want to know what I have been up to.

Tash on the other hand.....

Monday - a long day at work covering the August Bank Holiday.

Tuesday - One of Tash's ex-work colleagues was back over visiting from Oz, 'Digger' or Daniel as his parents would know him took the time to come over to Canary Wharf and see every one, that would be all the guys he used to work with over here. Tur-barn was a bit shy that night, so didn't mesmerize any one, so that made a change.

Wednesday - Tash was out with Jane (see last Sunday's entry) again, this time she was at a more intimate Birthday dinner with her Mother, Sister and two other close friends. Again no tears that night, so Turban was foiled once more.

Thursday - Tash was out with the Girls at some random 'Supa Cool' bar, again in Canary Wharf, there is an unconfirmed report that Turban may have struck, but she won’t tell me any details.

Friday - She was supposed to go out, but got cancelled on, still rearing to go, Tash put her energies into buying me a Curry for dinner and enjoying the great bottle of chianti that the girls gave her for her birthday (Thanks Girls).

Saturday - Started with a particularly windy dawn chorus from us both, an extra present from the previous nights take-away and I thought that just the Chocolates were free. Had a whale of a time out with Nathan and Marisa in the evening. Went back to the same restaurant that Tash was at on Wednesday, an Argentinean steak restaurant, so the girl needed little encouragement to visit a second time in the same week. Drunk a lot and had a very fun time.

Sunday - Today was spent down in sunny Clapham with Tash's JP Morgan work friends, Jon and Helene's place is a regular meeting spot for us all. They can whip up a Barbecue with the best of them and it has to be said, the Fire Brigade too, when Jon gets a bit liberal with the lighter fuel!!!